Soosed News Patrol

I don't even know if this is news, but hey, if Paris Hilton getting out of jail is news then so is this. I'm not even going to link to a story about her because I'm not sure why any stories get written about her at all. Anyway, it turns out that there is an extremely loose connection between the recent murder-suicide involving wrestler Chris Benoit and the accused murderer or Jessie Davis, Bobby Cutts Jr. The connection is Cutts' former girlfriend, Nikki Giavasis.

'Giavasis has been everywhere -- "Today," "Good Morning America," CNN, MSNBC -- portraying Cutts, her former boyfriend and baby daddy, as "aggressive" and "threatening" -- and testifying to his potential to be a murderer. Here's the crazy link: Giavasis was also featured in Wrestlemania XX, the WWE showcase that was won by none other than Benoit. Nikki was part of the WWE "Hot Team."'

Stop. The. Presses.

The only real news that's important here is the pathetic amount of background work the Canton, Ohio police department did before making Bobby Cutts Jr. a police officer. I mean, come on, he was on parole when they hired him. OJ Simpson would make a better cop than this guy.

Jessie Davis is dead, as is her unborn child, and Bobby Cutts Jr. (still not a suspect) has been arrested on two counts of murder. Her body was found yesterday in a park.

"Authorities believe they recovered the body of Jessie Marie Davis, a pregnant Ohio woman missing for 10 days, Saturday, and a police officer with whom Davis had a relationship was arrested in connection with her disappearance, police said. Canton police patrolman Bobby Cutts Jr., 30, was facing two murder counts in the deaths of Davis, 26, and her unborn child, said Rick Perez, chief deputy of the Stark County sheriff's department."

This ends the SNP's weeklong coverage, which started with news on corn, continued with the death of a woman and her unborn child, and ended with the arrest of a man who was likely the father. The exhaustive search also uncovered some pot, too.

If anything positive comes out of this at all, maybe it will be that Canton Ohio's police force might change their hiring policies. They should take "recruit people that are on probation" off their list of strategies.

Related:
SNP's entire coverage of this event

New developments in the Jessie Davis case have revealed a startling discovery: Canine units sniffed out some marijuana plants. They still haven't found any sign of Jessie Davis, but sure shootin' they found some weed!

"Search dogs hit on one area of freshly dug dirt Thursday more than a mile from her home in nearby Lake Township, but it turned out to be a marijuana plot, Stark County sheriff's Capt. Gary Shankle said. "It's very frustrating, but we just can't leave any stone unturned," he said."

Later, after the plans had been checked into evidence, Shankle reported "Yeah, uuhhh, maan, Jessie? Yeah, we'll find her, but like, isn't she in like all of our souls? You know man, I think I love Jessie. Yeaaaaaah, I'm not frustrated anymore."

Also, Jessie's mom is praying for Bobby Cutts Jr., the guy who isn't a suspect but really is. Not praying for him, per se, but praying he didn't do it. Maybe she should be praying that Jessie is fine and that she accidentally wandered into a well. Not a well like in Silence of the Lambs, but one of those luxury vacation wells. Positive thinking!

Related:

Bobby Cutts Jr. isn't a suspect, wink wink
Creepy child story gets weirder
Children say the creepiest things

In our third instalment on missing white women news, Bobby Cutts Jr, alleged father of Jessie Davis' kids, is still not a suspect. Unless of course you consider a suspect someone who gets his house repeatedly searched and has property seized. That happens to everyone, right?

"Authorities have now searched the Cutts home a total of three times, at least once with with Canine units. Renee Horne, Cutts' mom, told the paper that the agents served a search warrant signed by Stark County Common Pleas Judge Richard Reinbold at around 3:30 p.m. Horne said that agents took his two cell phones with them."

Definitely not a suspect. Not that I would understand why someone that became a cop while he was on probation would be a suspect, even if he doesn't have an alibi. That's just unjust.

In conclusion, Jessie Davis is still missing and now there are 1000 people looking for her. That found baby may or may not be hers, but we won't know until the end of the week. I don't know why it's taking so long with the DNA comparisons, they should have that information by now. I watch CSI, I know what I'm talking about.

Related:

Children say the creepiest things
Creepy child story gets weirder

Yesterday the SNP posted about a creepy 2 year-old kid who said something straight from a horror movie about his missing mother. Recap:

"Mommy was crying. Mommy broke the table. Mommy's in the rug."

Today, while Jessie Davis continues to be missing, the AP is reporting a baby was left on the doorstop of a home 45 miles away from Davis'. Did I mention that Davis was 9 months pregnant when she disappeared?

Thomas Maurer, sheriff in neighboring Wayne County, said the baby was less than 24 hours old. A couple arriving home from dinner Monday night discovered the newborn on the porch of their rural home south of Wooster, Maurer said.

The father of the two year old, who is a police officer, is not considered a suspect. He is also a charming individual, and by charming, I mean "how the hell is he a cop?"

"The father of Davis' son and unborn girl is Canton police patrolman Bobby Cutts Jr. In 1998, he was sentenced to three years probation for disorderly conduct after a former girlfriend accused him of breaking a door jam and forcing his way into their home, causing her to fear for her safety, according to a police report from nearby Jackson Township. About two years after his conviction in the disorderly conduct case, Cutts was hired by the Canton Police Department."

How desperate was that police force? I don't have a picture of their cruisers, but I bet they have this on the side:

"Canton Police: To Protect and Serve Our Time"

A 9-months pregnant woman, Jessie Davis, is missing from her home in Ohio, reports the Associated Press.

"[Her mother] said that when she didn't hear from her daughter Thursday, she went to Davis' home near this northeast Ohio city and found her grandson, Blake, wearing a dirty diaper. The mattress in Davis' bedroom was partially off the bed, a night stand and lamp had been knocked over and bleach had been poured on the bedroom floor, Porter said."

And then her two year-old son said the creepiest thing:

"Mommy was crying. Mommy broke the table. Mommy's in the rug."

I hope, sincerely hope, he is just practising for his upcoming audition for the next Children of the Corn instalment.

And yes, I realize given the situation that the above picture may be in bad taste, but seriously, who can look at a picture of a child in corn and not laugh. Visual puns help get us all through tough times. And help us harvest corn. CORN.