Soosed News Patrol

Week ago, Kaitlyn Lasitter had her feet cut off by a ride at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. Doctors reattached the right foot while everyone remained hopeful that they could save the left. Kaitlyn has now been released from hospital, and no, they could not save the left foot.

"Doctors at the hospital reattached Lasitter's right foot, according to a family statement released earlier this month. Doctors were unable to save her left foot."

Dag.

This ends the SNP coverage of this event. Stay tuned next week when a 6 year-old gets his toes eaten by a water snake.

If anyone wonders why you shouldn't go on amusement park rides, it's because sometimes they'll tear your feet off. It was just announced that Kaitlyn Lasitter, the girl who had her feet torn off at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, has had one of them reattached.

'Kaitlyn's doctors were able to reattach one of her feet. At this time as Kaitlyn continues her recovery the likelihood for a positive outcome to the surgery remains encouraging. "We have successfully reattached Katie's right lower extremity. We were not able to reattach the left lower extremity due to the severity of the injury. Things are progressing as expected over this first ten days," said Dr. Douglas Weikert, assistant professor of Orthopaedics and Rehabilitation.'

I'm kind of hoping they will reattach the other foot. I mean yeah, a girl's life will be restored, but think of the bar tricks. We can reattach parts after ten days? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

"Hey Jimmy, watch this. Here I'll cut this offajsldfalk;jdh OWW!! Okay! Take this thumb around the world on a vacation. I'll be here when you get back and we'll attach it back to my hand. See you in ten days bitch!"

Sign me up!

On Friday, the SNP reported on a girl who had her feet severed on the Superman ride at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. Reports today have confirmed that she is in stable condition, although the status of her feet are unknown.

"Kaitlyn Lasitter, whose name had not previously been released by officials, was riding the Superman Tower of Power ride Thursday at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville when a cable broke loose on the ride, cutting off the girl's feet above the ankles, authorities said. Authorities and the hospital have declined to say whether her feet were reattached."

As morbid as I guess it is, I think we all want to know the status of her feet. It's one thing to get your feet cut off by a ride, but if they can be reattached then it shows humans are the greatest beings on the planet. Much better than those damn sharks that can reproduce whenever they want.

I haven't cared this much about feet since Gucci released those designer boots that can walk on water. I'm not really supposed to talk about that, though...

On Thursday, a 13 year-old girl who was on the Superman ride at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom had her feet completely severed.

The girl's feet were completely amputated just below the ankle Thursday afternoon while riding the Superman Tower of Power at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville. A police dispatcher said a cord wrapped around the girl's feet while she was on the ride. "I seen the car go up. Then, like, the cable broke ... and I heard a lot of people screaming," Chris Stinnett, who was at a ride next to the Tower of Power, told CNN affiliate WDRB/WMYO-TV in Louisville. "The cable went under the car -- and I seen it pull up and hit a lot of people -- and I seen them bring their legs up," he said

It wasn't even a clean sever of the feet, it appears. It sounds more like the cord wrapped around and tore her feet off. Remind me to never go near large cords ever again.

However terrifying this incident is, the girl is now in hospital receiving surgery to (hopefully) reattach her feet.

I guess the only reassuring thing is that at least this didn't happen in Japan, where they don't perform regular maintenance on their roller coasters. Having your feet severed by a giant cord may just be slightly better than have your face smashed into a guard rail!