Soosed News Patrol

Music-News.com is reporting that fans stole album art from a recording studio where the Smashing Pumpkins are making their new album.

"Two fans got into the SP rehearsal space and took copies of some promotional photos that haven't been released. They posted one on this forum, and someone got into their photobucket, and hey presto, they were leaking all over the net."

The major surprise here is that the Smashing Pumpkins still have fans. When did this happen? After the last two Pumpkins albums were awesome, fucking Ava Adore rocks brutal, and Billy released a weak solo effort, I though it was over. Even Billy seems to be much creepier now. How is that possible?

In the end, everything works out, as the fans are now in jail.

An Uzbeki man has taken some Russian hostages in Costa Rica, Yahoo/AP is reporting.

Russian Ambassador Valery Nikolayenko was among the three still being held, federal police spokesman Francisco Ruiz said.

All that aside... there's a country called Uzbekistan, and their people have a name?

Uzbekistan is located around a number of other countries you haven't heard of, including Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan:

One of the neighboring countries you can't pronounce is Kyrgyzstan.

The native language is Kyrgyz.

The people are Kyrgyzstani. I have no idea what the short form for that is. It might have multiple uses of the letter X. Hopefully some vowels.

I love you CIA World Factbook.

In some "well there weren't any murders today" news, USA Today is reporting that squirrels carrying the bubonic plague have been found in Denver. This poses a risk to pet owners:

"Among pets, dogs are resistant but cats are highly susceptible.

"Right now is a good time to keep cats inside," says Diane Milholin, a Denver health inspector."

It's simple, really: The squirrels have resorted to technology from the middle ages to fight back at cats. In this new era of laser missiles and atomic hovercraft (I assume) it only makes sense that the animals are starting to use technology in warfare.

This just in: Pitbull attacks child with guillotine! Mice raise a militia, forage for grain!

Yahoo/AP is reporting that a children's show run on Hamas TV has been suspended. The show, which is brilliant comedy for the rest of us, is desribed as:

"Featuring a giant black-and-white rodent with a high-pitched voice, made headlines worldwide because the character has preached against Israel and the U.S. and urged Palestinian children to fight Israel."

Hiyo!

The wonderful comedy stylings of the definitely-not-Mickey-Mouse host include inspirational messages:

"On Friday, the character said he cheated on his exams because "the Jews destroyed my house," and he lost his books under the rubble."

"On previous episodes, the character said: "You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists. We will return the Islamic community to its former greatness, and liberate Jerusalem, God willing, liberate Iraq, God willing, and liberate all the countries of the Muslims invaded by the murderers."

Gather 'round kids!

Of course, there is nothing to worry about:

"The adult presenter and the station manager, al-Sharawi, told viewers that once Islam rules, its message of "good and peace" will also rule."

Ohhhh, okay.

If it's any consolation to the rest of us, following the suspension by Palestinian information minister, the show is still being aired. Praise be.

The BBC is reporting today that long-term daily usage of Aspirin can reduce your risk of bowel cancer. This is good news for the UK, since 16,000 people die yearly from the disease, and the benefits are quite significant:

"The researchers found that taking 300mg of aspirin - the equivalent of one pill - a day for five years reduced the incidence of bowel cancer by 74% in the subsequent 10 to 15 years."

So do researchers advise people to actually take aspirin? Well...

"These findings are not sufficient to warrant a recommendation for the general population to use aspirin for cancer prevention."

Oh.

"Aspirin at this dose over a prolonged period of time could lead to potentially serious side effects in a few people."

Oh my.

"They may have some risk of bleeding in the stomach."

FUCK.

The basic conclusion here is that Aspirin might have some (major) positive effects... but you probably shouldn't take it. Because, you know, it could also be bad. Good work, science.

Yahoo News is reporting that a vulture named after Darth Vader (seriously) could not be flown back to native Mongolia. Something about bird flu.

The cinereous vulture — nicknamed Anakin after the Star Wars character who becomes Darth Vader — was found in southeastern Thailand in December, emaciated and apparently lost.

Maybe instead of worrying about what a disoriented vulture does, they should worry about bird flu. Just a thought.

Some tiger cubs have been born in Zoologico de Vallarta in Mexico, Yahoo/Reuters is reporting.

Details (boring) aside, they are cute:

Awww.

AWWWW.

So cute!

.... that last one not so much....

Yeah, that's all.

According to LiveScience today, researchers are warning that sunscreen will not prevent all types of skin cancer. In fact, you should probably just not go in the sun:

The latest skin-cancer prevention advice is to stop trusting sunscreen as the front line of defense against harmful rays. Instead, wear sunblocking clothing or stay out of the sun altogether, experts say.

If you must go outside, don't forget to wear heavy clothes:

The best clothing for sun protection is tightly woven, thick garments made of denim, wool or polyester, not cotton, linen or acetate, he said.

Really, you should probably just stay inside all summer and research the sun. Don't look at it, study it!

This isn't so bad for children who play outside, since they should only avoid the sun during peak hours:

[The] sun's strongest hours, between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

What kid is outside at those hours?

It shouldn't come as news to refer to the six idiots that got arrested in New Jersey this week for conspiring to attack Fort Dix.

What is bizarre, however, is the tendency to make these terrorists seem dangerous:

Had it not been for the carelessness of one of the suspects who asked a local video store to copy a training video depicting men with weapons shouting “God is great” and proclaiming jihad, the alleged plot might have succeeded.

Carelessness!? They took a video of themselves declaring jihad on America to Circuit City! They are not dangerous. They are, more than likely, mentally handicapped. Severely.

Is this what passes for a competant terrorist these days? Their plot might have succeeded? If they were dumb enough to do this, I can't believe they got past the "Fort Dix sounds like Fort DICKS" phase. Haha, it does, too.

Also, I coundn't find a picture of them (I didn't look) so I put up a cat that isn't too happy with clothing.

Researchers at NASA have found out something about the weather, The Independant is reporting.

Wait... NASA? Shouldn't they be shooting something into space or showing us pictures of planets? To make mattters more depressing:

A study released by Nasa's Goddard Institute for Space Studies at Columbia University finds that by 2080 average summer high temperatures in parts of the east will be about 10F higher than now, pushing them from the low to mid-80s to the low to mid-90s.

Institute of Space Studies! This is unacceptable. Orbit something already!

Also, it's going to get hot soon.

The Pioneer Press is reporting that iPods may cause interference if held too close to a pacemaker. I'm beginning to regret having that surgery to move my pacemaker to my front right pocket.

In other news, if you wear your iPod around your neck, you probably deserve to die. HEY LOOK I OWN EXPENSIVE THINGS!

Wearing an iPod around your neck is on par with putting your drivers license on your keychain or glueing your VISA to your forehead. Thank you Apple for finally harming those of us who can't fathom why it's not a good idea to attach electronics to our bodies using some string and a clip.

Well, not really:

Researchers stressed that the problems documented in the study are not life threatening. Pacemakers returned to normal functioning once the iPods were turned off, and no one in the study experienced any ill effects from the interference.

Dammit!

New England Journal of Medicine is reporting that a lifetime of oral sex can put you at more of a risk of throat cancer than smoking. I'll save you the pain of reading it: it's because it exposes you to potential STDs/Cancers. News flash!

The Register, in an article covering the groundbreaking discovery, has revealed that not only can oral sex pose a threat, but the British have absolutely ridiculous words for sexual acts.

From the article:

It's hard to say what that really means in terms of rumpy-associated risk

According to the scientists, oral sex is a vastly more dangerous business than plain-vanilla rogering,

The increased multipartner-jigjig throat cancer risk was due to the likelihood of becoming infected with human papillomavirus (HPV), thought to be implicated in various kinds of cancer including the cervical variety.

What?

Jon "Bowzer" Bauman, of the legendary musical cover group Sha Na Na, is still alive and confusing.

Reports Yahoo:

He's been lobbying states on behalf of the Vocal Group Hall of Fame for laws to prevent phonies and fakers from passing themselves off as authentic members of groups like the Platters, the Coasters and the Drifters.

I'm glad to see someone protecting the naming rights of past artists. We absolutely can not tolerate new artists going around stealing such naming gems as Sha Na Na, Anal Cunt or Lesbian Cancer Parade. I don't think that last one is real, but it's mine now!